BBC News With Swearing
Good Evening Fuckers.
On tonight’s news we will be covering the main events in this shit-filled world.
Israel continues to bomb the fuck out of everyone.
President elect Trump is more of an asshole than we thought.
The rich are so fucking rich they couldn’t be any fucking richer if someone stuffed dollar bills up their asses.
There’s a shit-ton of bad weather on the way.
But first.
On tonight’s news we will be covering the main events in this shit-filled world.
Israel continues to bomb the fuck out of everyone.
President elect Trump is more of an asshole than we thought.
The rich are so fucking rich they couldn’t be any fucking richer if someone stuffed dollar bills up their asses.
There’s a shit-ton of bad weather on the way.
But first.
The BBC, protectors of the truth, have decided to use natural language in their reporting. Viewers of a sensitive disposition are advised to fuck off to alternate media. The BBC director, top corporate bullshit merchant, explains.
“As our viewing figures have plummeted faster than a horny nun’s knickers — we have decided we have no more fucks left to give. Listeners want a real world, not some poncy stuck-up lecture from a bunch of assholes.”
We go over to Colin, outside the BBC offices.
“Colin you tosser, what the fuck’s occurring?”
“Don’t ask me, I haven’t a fucking clue. Stood here freezing my nuts off all day, talking about this crappy story. I mean, who gives a shit?”
Back to the studio.
“That was Colin. Bit of a twat but his uncle’s a director.”
“As our viewing figures have plummeted faster than a horny nun’s knickers — we have decided we have no more fucks left to give. Listeners want a real world, not some poncy stuck-up lecture from a bunch of assholes.”
We go over to Colin, outside the BBC offices.
“Colin you tosser, what the fuck’s occurring?”
“Don’t ask me, I haven’t a fucking clue. Stood here freezing my nuts off all day, talking about this crappy story. I mean, who gives a shit?”
Back to the studio.
“That was Colin. Bit of a twat but his uncle’s a director.”
Breaking news.
“Fuck me, someone’s done something really bad. Over to William.”
Footage of people looking horrified. Another roving reporter is on the scene.
“Fucking hell, it’s bedlam here. I’ve never seen so much fucking spaghetti in my life.” Picture cuts out.
Back to worried-looking hosts.
“Wow Sarah, that was a shit-ton of spaghetti.”
“Fucking right Daniel. That’s going to take some untangling.”
“Fuck me, someone’s done something really bad. Over to William.”
Footage of people looking horrified. Another roving reporter is on the scene.
“Fucking hell, it’s bedlam here. I’ve never seen so much fucking spaghetti in my life.” Picture cuts out.
Back to worried-looking hosts.
“Wow Sarah, that was a shit-ton of spaghetti.”
“Fucking right Daniel. That’s going to take some untangling.”
Time for the weather.
“Hello fuckers. Brace yourself. A shit-storm is heading our way. It will be pissing down later and then fucking freezing. We’re calling it Storm Shitface, that’s the next name in the phonetic alphafuckingbet.”
Sign-off from hosts.
“Thanks for watching our fucking news. We hope it has spoiled your evening and made you more fucking miserable than you already were. Next up, more fucking soaps.”
Music plays out. A song has been added to liven it up.
🎵 “Fuck a duck, you’re in luck, here’s the news, if you give a fuck.” 🎵
“Hello fuckers. Brace yourself. A shit-storm is heading our way. It will be pissing down later and then fucking freezing. We’re calling it Storm Shitface, that’s the next name in the phonetic alphafuckingbet.”
Sign-off from hosts.
“Thanks for watching our fucking news. We hope it has spoiled your evening and made you more fucking miserable than you already were. Next up, more fucking soaps.”
Music plays out. A song has been added to liven it up.
🎵 “Fuck a duck, you’re in luck, here’s the news, if you give a fuck.” 🎵