Becoming an Influencer
A day in the life of a soon-to-be household name
I have become an influencer. Originally a highly successful writer, online guru and personality — I have decided to switch up my career. Here’s a typical day heading for the mega bucks.
Note: This is a sponsored post. I get, or will get, paid a shit ton of money for any products I mention.
Note: This is a sponsored post. I get, or will get, paid a shit ton of money for any products I mention.
I woke up this morning thanks to my Amazon Echo thing. It starts playing my favourite Taylor Swift track and I grab my trusty Gillette razor and start my morning ablutions.
I put a couple of slices of stale bread in my Elite Gourmet toaster and get the news from CNN.
For a moment of panic, I wonder if I left the Tesla on charge overnight. Of course I did. There she sits, half on the pavement with the cable reaching up to my second-floor window.
Taylor Swift has finished yodelling. It’s time to do my influencing. I set up my Sony Cam-Your-Face and Sanyo Mic-Your-Mouth equipment and begin creating a video for YouTube. Today’s subject is watches.
I put a couple of slices of stale bread in my Elite Gourmet toaster and get the news from CNN.
For a moment of panic, I wonder if I left the Tesla on charge overnight. Of course I did. There she sits, half on the pavement with the cable reaching up to my second-floor window.
Taylor Swift has finished yodelling. It’s time to do my influencing. I set up my Sony Cam-Your-Face and Sanyo Mic-Your-Mouth equipment and begin creating a video for YouTube. Today’s subject is watches.
I print and cut out a picture of a Rolex and glue it on top of my Trump gold bangle. With the camera slightly out of focus, it looks real enough. I tell people how great it is and why they should get one.
My next video is glamour tips. I have some Maybelline Liquid No-Budge Lipcolor left over from a failed lipstick thing I did a while back. I play with it while talking about modern men and how we like to pamper ourselves. It’s not my finest moment, but some editing will sort it out.
Time to get a new brand name for myself. Mark Ewbie has done far better than I thought possible, but it’s dated. I settle on Mr.Ewbie and change a few things on my social sites.
My video on cat care (I borrowed the cat from next door) has gone viral. Two million views and rising. The screams of the cat helped, and my scars are healing well thanks to Natureplex Triple Antibiotic Ointment.
My next video is glamour tips. I have some Maybelline Liquid No-Budge Lipcolor left over from a failed lipstick thing I did a while back. I play with it while talking about modern men and how we like to pamper ourselves. It’s not my finest moment, but some editing will sort it out.
Time to get a new brand name for myself. Mark Ewbie has done far better than I thought possible, but it’s dated. I settle on Mr.Ewbie and change a few things on my social sites.
My video on cat care (I borrowed the cat from next door) has gone viral. Two million views and rising. The screams of the cat helped, and my scars are healing well thanks to Natureplex Triple Antibiotic Ointment.
As a celebrity influencer, I’m opening a local kebab shop at 12:00. Chance of meeting some fans and a free kebab. It’s a busy life these days.
...
It’s been hectic. The kebab shop opened in front of a good half a dozen people. They seemed to be more interested in the kebabs than me, but they were good kebabs.
I managed to go shopping without being harassed by well-wishers or anyone, in fact. That’s the next thing to aim for, I guess.
I got the bus back. A chauffeur service and bodyguards are a few weeks away.
...
It’s been hectic. The kebab shop opened in front of a good half a dozen people. They seemed to be more interested in the kebabs than me, but they were good kebabs.
I managed to go shopping without being harassed by well-wishers or anyone, in fact. That’s the next thing to aim for, I guess.
I got the bus back. A chauffeur service and bodyguards are a few weeks away.
At home I put on my Ergofoot Orthotic Slippers and relax. Crack open a Bud Lite and watch movies on Netflix, Disney Plus and Amazon Prime.
Wonder about swapping the Tesla for a Jaguar. Depends how much Elon is prepared to pay me to keep using it. I’ll mail him tomorrow.
Not sure whether I’ll keep posting these updates. It’s hard work being this successful.
Wonder about swapping the Tesla for a Jaguar. Depends how much Elon is prepared to pay me to keep using it. I’ll mail him tomorrow.
Not sure whether I’ll keep posting these updates. It’s hard work being this successful.