Climate Change Satire
I’m so worried about climate change. I listen to the politicians and the machine telling me to worry. I turn off lights, partly because I can’t afford to keep them on. I recycle even though it all goes to the same place. I can’t afford to change my car to an electric one. I don’t take holidays, never have really.
They — the people who know, are also worried. They express their worry at every opportunity. If anyone doubts their words, they are labelled a heretic. If only we could still burn non-believers at the stake. Cancelling them and putting them out of business is not really enough.
They — the people who know, are also worried. They express their worry at every opportunity. If anyone doubts their words, they are labelled a heretic. If only we could still burn non-believers at the stake. Cancelling them and putting them out of business is not really enough.
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The King of England tells me he is worried. He flies to climate conferences to tell me. I’m right here, King! I can hear you. He had an electric vehicle specially flown over so he could drive a few miles to the conference in it. That’s how worried he is.
He owns the seashore around Britain. Yep, it sounds unreal. The offshore windmills generate income for him. He is incredibly rich. And worried. We need more windmills, he says. He doesn’t mention nuclear. He doesn’t own that deal. In the UK, we call him the Carbon Footprince.
He owns the seashore around Britain. Yep, it sounds unreal. The offshore windmills generate income for him. He is incredibly rich. And worried. We need more windmills, he says. He doesn’t mention nuclear. He doesn’t own that deal. In the UK, we call him the Carbon Footprince.
Taylor Swift is worried about climate change. I expect she sings songs about it. She recycles the same sequined swimsuit thing for her massive worldwide concerts. Wonder how she gets there? I would stay home, switch off the central heating, and STFU if I were so worried.
Kamala Harris is worried about it. She is touring the States right now telling people how much she cares. That’s nice.
Keir Starmer is worried about it. The same man who provided a legal fig leaf for the war on Iraq. He is so worried, the first thing he did was take my Winter Fuel Allowance away. It’s a social benefit for pensioners in the UK, stops them freezing to death. Keir Starmer is a socialist. Confusing.
Greta was worried, but she made a mistake. She supported the Palestinians. If there’s one thing worse than climate change, it’s supporting the Palestinians. Silly Greta. She got the anti-semitic label — no way back from that.
The Maldives are worried. They have a massive airport for tourism. Hmmm.
Elton John is worried. When he uses his private plane, and they all do this — the good ones anyway — he offsets his emissions. I usually just waft mine away. The offset game is a good one. If you are rich, you can pay to pollute. See how it works?
Kamala Harris is worried about it. She is touring the States right now telling people how much she cares. That’s nice.
Keir Starmer is worried about it. The same man who provided a legal fig leaf for the war on Iraq. He is so worried, the first thing he did was take my Winter Fuel Allowance away. It’s a social benefit for pensioners in the UK, stops them freezing to death. Keir Starmer is a socialist. Confusing.
Greta was worried, but she made a mistake. She supported the Palestinians. If there’s one thing worse than climate change, it’s supporting the Palestinians. Silly Greta. She got the anti-semitic label — no way back from that.
The Maldives are worried. They have a massive airport for tourism. Hmmm.
Elton John is worried. When he uses his private plane, and they all do this — the good ones anyway — he offsets his emissions. I usually just waft mine away. The offset game is a good one. If you are rich, you can pay to pollute. See how it works?
Our teachers tell the children to worry. Some can’t sleep at night. They believe the grown-ups. School is no place to play politics for personal gain. No place to worry children because you have an agenda.
At the last climate change conference, 70,000 people flew in. That’s a big meeting. Imagine the worry they must have felt as their private planes landed. It’s always reassuring when political leaders and big businesses get together to decide our future.
I used to be worried about the planet. Animals and boring stuff like food. Now I realize the way to save the planet is to dig half of it up and cover the rest in solar panels and windmills.
Another good way to save small creatures and wildlife is to pay more tax. It has been scientifically proven — the poorer you are, the better it is for the environment.
As for science. They worry a lot, do the scientists. They share their concerns in learned journals that also worry. They stand on platforms with politicians and big businesses, but I know the scientists only speak the truth.
They told us the new truth during Covid. Do you remember the rules? One day, only three people could gather outside in a garden. Then no one was allowed to travel more than six miles outside their area. Then six related people from two different bubbles could socialize on a Wednesday.
That was real science. I expect they are proud of it. On it went, for a couple of years until they got bored. People can only worry for so long before they need something else to worry about.
We suspended climate change while Covid was on. All those masks we needed. All that equipment.
Nuclear people must worry too. Why don’t they build sufficient nuclear power to generate our needs? We could send the waste to the moon. Elon could do it. Better than pretending there’s any future outside the one planet we have.
At the last climate change conference, 70,000 people flew in. That’s a big meeting. Imagine the worry they must have felt as their private planes landed. It’s always reassuring when political leaders and big businesses get together to decide our future.
I used to be worried about the planet. Animals and boring stuff like food. Now I realize the way to save the planet is to dig half of it up and cover the rest in solar panels and windmills.
Another good way to save small creatures and wildlife is to pay more tax. It has been scientifically proven — the poorer you are, the better it is for the environment.
As for science. They worry a lot, do the scientists. They share their concerns in learned journals that also worry. They stand on platforms with politicians and big businesses, but I know the scientists only speak the truth.
They told us the new truth during Covid. Do you remember the rules? One day, only three people could gather outside in a garden. Then no one was allowed to travel more than six miles outside their area. Then six related people from two different bubbles could socialize on a Wednesday.
That was real science. I expect they are proud of it. On it went, for a couple of years until they got bored. People can only worry for so long before they need something else to worry about.
We suspended climate change while Covid was on. All those masks we needed. All that equipment.
Nuclear people must worry too. Why don’t they build sufficient nuclear power to generate our needs? We could send the waste to the moon. Elon could do it. Better than pretending there’s any future outside the one planet we have.
So yeah, I really am worried about climate change. I’m worried there is no chance of knowing the truth or believing the solutions.
How about we take politicians, big business leaders, sold-out scientists, and celebrity ‘experts’ and place them in a secure area for their own protection? Because we should be worried about them.
Not really, I’m doing the satire thing. It’s all I can do. Voting won’t help. That game was over a long time ago. Time for change, they say, and things stay the same, just a little bit worse.
How about we take politicians, big business leaders, sold-out scientists, and celebrity ‘experts’ and place them in a secure area for their own protection? Because we should be worried about them.
Not really, I’m doing the satire thing. It’s all I can do. Voting won’t help. That game was over a long time ago. Time for change, they say, and things stay the same, just a little bit worse.