Clapping Like Seals: The Madness of Forced Applause
Mindless clapping in an infantilized world

"Clapping like seals" by Mark Ewbie
I’m British. We don’t do mad clapping. We do polite clapping. One or two claps, maybe, if the performance was really good.
Maybe it’s different in the States. I watched some of a State of the Union speech. As predictable platitudes were trotted out, half the theater rose and clapped for all they were worth. They do the same thing in North Korea every time Mr. Kim breaks wind. The other half of the audience didn’t clap at all. Bit rude.
During Covid — someone I want to call terrible names but won’t — started a mass psyop. The entire UK was supposed to stand at their front door clapping from 7:00 p.m. to 7:05 p.m. To show support for the brave dancing TikTok nurses. It was called Clap for Carers and was damn near compulsory.
It was vile. UnBritish and the sort of state propaganda that leads young men to fight in stupid wars for politicians.
The mass clapping thing was a form of bullying of those who don’t feel like clapping. Every Thursday evening they did it. Went on for weeks.
Maybe it’s different in the States. I watched some of a State of the Union speech. As predictable platitudes were trotted out, half the theater rose and clapped for all they were worth. They do the same thing in North Korea every time Mr. Kim breaks wind. The other half of the audience didn’t clap at all. Bit rude.
During Covid — someone I want to call terrible names but won’t — started a mass psyop. The entire UK was supposed to stand at their front door clapping from 7:00 p.m. to 7:05 p.m. To show support for the brave dancing TikTok nurses. It was called Clap for Carers and was damn near compulsory.
It was vile. UnBritish and the sort of state propaganda that leads young men to fight in stupid wars for politicians.
The mass clapping thing was a form of bullying of those who don’t feel like clapping. Every Thursday evening they did it. Went on for weeks.
Years ago, I was on Squidoo briefly. A writing site, sort of. Everywhere you went, and everything you did, was awesome. You got an award for your first article. An award for your second. The whole thing was like a kindergarten, encouraging the children with stickers. Awful — just awful.
I mean awesome - just awesome.
But maybe that’s an American thing. These habits all come to the UK eventually. Politicians are doing the clapping thing in parliament now. Mostly for visiting war criminals, but it’s a start. Soon we will be standing on our doorsteps clapping for the Prime Minister as he reduces our pensions and locks up people for making bad Facebook posts.
I mean awesome - just awesome.
But maybe that’s an American thing. These habits all come to the UK eventually. Politicians are doing the clapping thing in parliament now. Mostly for visiting war criminals, but it’s a start. Soon we will be standing on our doorsteps clapping for the Prime Minister as he reduces our pensions and locks up people for making bad Facebook posts.
So then I join Medium. I see the clap thing. I get it. It’s like a Like button. Says you wrote a cool thing. I liked it. Can leave a comment too, if I want to. Easy.
I wander round the site reading stuff. I like some of it, I press Like. Some, how can I put this, articles that are perhaps not as good as they could be, have 50 Likes! Wow, I think. This is going to be piss easy — writing here. If they get 50 Likes for that pile of, er, adequate writing — how much will my stuff get? 50, 51 maybe?
A friend says, “You got to leave 50 claps.” What The Friday? 50 is going to take forever. Click, click, click. Oh, Medium have thought of that. You just hold the button down. Sit there while the thing limps up to 50. Maybe it increases dwell time.
As I read further, it seems that less than 50 claps could be construed as an insult. A lazy 37, perhaps. A frankly rude 13 when I was in a rush. What about 1? Is it the ultimate kiss-off? How about 49? I liked it, but you made a spelling mistake.
Maybe they should introduce separate claps for content, delivery, punctuation, and sentimentality. I jest as I get more hacked off with the whole thing.
I didn’t stand on my doorstep clapping for the NHS during Covid. I wouldn’t clap a politician if you paid me. I can just about handle Likes.
But when it has to be 50 or nothing — why not just have a 50 button? Press it if you want. The next initiative can raise it to 100. We will all feel better about ourselves.
I wander round the site reading stuff. I like some of it, I press Like. Some, how can I put this, articles that are perhaps not as good as they could be, have 50 Likes! Wow, I think. This is going to be piss easy — writing here. If they get 50 Likes for that pile of, er, adequate writing — how much will my stuff get? 50, 51 maybe?
A friend says, “You got to leave 50 claps.” What The Friday? 50 is going to take forever. Click, click, click. Oh, Medium have thought of that. You just hold the button down. Sit there while the thing limps up to 50. Maybe it increases dwell time.
As I read further, it seems that less than 50 claps could be construed as an insult. A lazy 37, perhaps. A frankly rude 13 when I was in a rush. What about 1? Is it the ultimate kiss-off? How about 49? I liked it, but you made a spelling mistake.
Maybe they should introduce separate claps for content, delivery, punctuation, and sentimentality. I jest as I get more hacked off with the whole thing.
I didn’t stand on my doorstep clapping for the NHS during Covid. I wouldn’t clap a politician if you paid me. I can just about handle Likes.
But when it has to be 50 or nothing — why not just have a 50 button? Press it if you want. The next initiative can raise it to 100. We will all feel better about ourselves.
The world generally seems to become ever more infantile while the actions our leaders take are ever more atrocious.
Make it make sense.
Oh, and by the way, if you think you will teach me a lesson by only clapping 17 times. Don’t worry, I store them all on a spreadsheet. When the day comes, you’ll be hearing a knock on the door.
Make it make sense.
Oh, and by the way, if you think you will teach me a lesson by only clapping 17 times. Don’t worry, I store them all on a spreadsheet. When the day comes, you’ll be hearing a knock on the door.