As we stand here at the first looking down the fairway it is time to tee off with a series of puns relating to the game of golf.

Like most rounds it will consist of one or two excellent shots and a series of visits to the rough and beyond.

Expect much hacking out and back onto the fairway until finally several hours later the round will be completed.  Clubs smashed, caddie berated and back in the clubhouse for much-needed refreshment.

Here are some golf jokes and puns for light relief.

defensive player - bunker mentality
drops club - whoops putter-fingers
​favorite meal - tee-time

golf divorcee - he drove a wedge between us
golf pictures - watch the birdie
golf war - Wedges of Mass Destruction

golfing snack - sand wedge and chips
hunter on the course - shot an eagle, three birdies and a possum
Halloween golf costume - the bogeyman

​lawyer golfers love the greens
​identical scorecard - dirty rat, you shot my par
marvelous golfer - Iron Man

​mathematician at the first - one, two, three, FORE!
​no seaside trips for me - all sand and water
open relationships - keep on swinging

​piece of cake - care for a slice?
​surgeon golfers make the cut
troubled golfer - chip on his shoulder

useful headgear - handicap
why two pairs of shorts - in case I get a hole in one

below par - not feeling too good
​golf widow - husband spends a lot of time on the course
​grip it and rip it
​
par for the course - a reasonable result
​putt up or shut up
yips - once familiar motor skills desert you

Archie Bunker - All In The Family
​Bogie - Humphrey Bogart
Minnie Driver - actress

​Eddie the Eagle - British skiing sensation
​George Foreman - boxer
​CeeLo Green - singer

Captain Hook - golfer all at sea
​Spike Mulligan - comedian
​Dolly Putton - country singer

​​​Brad Putt - actor
Harry Putter - a wizard on the course
​Tom Shanks - actor

Baby Driver - young golfer hits the tees
​Caddyshack - with Bill Murray and Chevy Chase
Drive - Ryan Gosling perfects his driving

​Driving Miss Daisy - keen female golfer lets rip
Golf-finger - James Bond plays around
Iron Man - Tony Stark goes for the iron

​Pitch and Putt Perfect - amateurs get on the green in one
​The Green Mile - that's one helluva putt
Waterworld - some days it feels like that

golf is a good walk spoiled - Mark Twain
the more I practice, the luckier I get - Gary Player
​the Eagle has landed - Neil Armstrong
water, water, everywhere - Ancient Mariner

Albatross - Fleetwood Mac
Fairway to Heaven - Led Zeppellin
Fly Like an Eagle - Steve Miller

Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! - ABBA
​​I Like Big Putts and I Cannot Lie - Sir Mix-a-Lot
Mulligan of Kintyre - Paul McCartney & Wings

Straight Down The Middle - Bing Crosby
Swinging In The Rain - Gene Kelly
​Tee for Two - Doris Day

​​The Birdie Song - The Tweets

Some golf-related words for making up puns.

albatross, birdie, bogey, caddy, chip, drive, eagle, fairway, fore, gimme, golf, green, handicap, hole, hook, iron, mulligan, par, putt, rough, sand, score, slice, swing, tee, water, wedge, wood

We got back to the clubhouse!

It was not a bad round.  A few of these puns visited the rough, there were a couple of nasty sand traps, but the occasional shot landed somewhere near the green.

Even holed a couple of puns.

As a round of amateur hacking it could have been a lot worse.  Cursing was kept to a minimum, no clubs were thrown and losing three balls is not the worst outing.

To anyone who was waiting behind us, sorry for the delays.  Next time you can play on through.

Cheers, and may you always hit 'em long and straight.