How To Remove Your Head From Your Ass
Contortionist Gifts
You have been sent this link by a friend.
Please don’t be offended.
It is what friends are for.
If your best friend or perhaps a neighbour, work colleague or just someone who knows you thinks you spend most of your life with your head firmly entrapped – then it is good of them to point it out.
While this page might be slightly more sophisticated than your typical internet fare, it won’t be using philosophy or other highbrow stuff to deal with your problem. The majority of that intellectual activity is practiced by people who were born with their heads already firmly up their asses.
Please don’t be offended.
It is what friends are for.
If your best friend or perhaps a neighbour, work colleague or just someone who knows you thinks you spend most of your life with your head firmly entrapped – then it is good of them to point it out.
While this page might be slightly more sophisticated than your typical internet fare, it won’t be using philosophy or other highbrow stuff to deal with your problem. The majority of that intellectual activity is practiced by people who were born with their heads already firmly up their asses.
Why Were You Chosen?
You have spent some time in this position.
People have noticed your tendency to pontificate and dismiss their thoughts. The deeper your head is lodged, the less you notice others.
You have a pride that goes way beyond the actual level of your achievements and a shallowness that begs the question…
You have spent some time in this position.
People have noticed your tendency to pontificate and dismiss their thoughts. The deeper your head is lodged, the less you notice others.
You have a pride that goes way beyond the actual level of your achievements and a shallowness that begs the question…
Just How Far Up Your Ass Are You?
Professor Hugh Jarsse developed the Colonic Scale while he was lecturing at the Silver Spoon College for Nepo Babies.
Although up your assedness is not really a physical condition – the Scale effectively describes the level of affliction.
The scale measures how deeply your head is lodged.
Professor Hugh Jarsse developed the Colonic Scale while he was lecturing at the Silver Spoon College for Nepo Babies.
Although up your assedness is not really a physical condition – the Scale effectively describes the level of affliction.
The scale measures how deeply your head is lodged.
- One inch – pretty average. Most people are slightly up themselves.
- Two inches – moderately afflicted but still capable of understanding there is another world out there.
- Three inches – insufferable. Unless you’re a celebrity or politician, there’s no excuse for this level of delusion.
- Six inches – the whole caboodle. You waddle through daily life unable to comprehend the thoughts of other people.
Self Diagnosis
Do you have difficulty hearing the words of others?
Is your view of the world impaired?
Do you ever stop to consider how your words come across to others?
These are all symptoms that a cranial proctologist will be looking for. Most consultations are carried out on social media, where the afflicted are easy to spot.
If you are unsure of your level, see Colonic Scale earlier, read back some of your earlier postings.
Reflect on your conversations in bars, or interactions with work colleagues.
It’s possible to suffer for years without realising only to be diagnosed after a divorce or downwards promotion.
Do you have difficulty hearing the words of others?
Is your view of the world impaired?
Do you ever stop to consider how your words come across to others?
These are all symptoms that a cranial proctologist will be looking for. Most consultations are carried out on social media, where the afflicted are easy to spot.
If you are unsure of your level, see Colonic Scale earlier, read back some of your earlier postings.
Reflect on your conversations in bars, or interactions with work colleagues.
It’s possible to suffer for years without realising only to be diagnosed after a divorce or downwards promotion.
What Can I Do?
This isn’t about me. It’s your head we’re discussing.
This is a self help page. That means you have to take responsibility for your own head and its location. It is up to you to recognise the problem and take affirmative action.
Some people will never admit to a problem. That’s OK. They can mostly be avoided with the exception of the internet, politics and Hollywood – where a great many sufferers gather.
I’m not qualified – or inclined – to pull your head out myself.
Every journey begins with a small step. Try taking a peek outside once in a while. Breathe the fresh air. Surprise: the air is fresher out here.
This isn’t about me. It’s your head we’re discussing.
This is a self help page. That means you have to take responsibility for your own head and its location. It is up to you to recognise the problem and take affirmative action.
Some people will never admit to a problem. That’s OK. They can mostly be avoided with the exception of the internet, politics and Hollywood – where a great many sufferers gather.
I’m not qualified – or inclined – to pull your head out myself.
Every journey begins with a small step. Try taking a peek outside once in a while. Breathe the fresh air. Surprise: the air is fresher out here.
Final Word
Pass this along to others in need. Together, we can help the afflicted breathe easier.
Pass this along to others in need. Together, we can help the afflicted breathe easier.