Identifying As a Writer
And no one can tell me different
I have decided to identify myself as a writer. I need no evidence of this — either medical or educational. It is my truth, and you cannot deny it.
I expect, forthwith, to be allowed into all publications and secret writing groups.
I expect to receive numerous boosts and other rewards, such as the goody bag.
I expect my fellow writers, many of whom also self-identify, to shower me with compliments.
“How nice your writing looks” and “You really are a writer” will do for starters.
I expect to be able to use the writer’s toilets at any publishers I choose.
I expect, forthwith, to be allowed into all publications and secret writing groups.
I expect to receive numerous boosts and other rewards, such as the goody bag.
I expect my fellow writers, many of whom also self-identify, to shower me with compliments.
“How nice your writing looks” and “You really are a writer” will do for starters.
I expect to be able to use the writer’s toilets at any publishers I choose.
I do not wish to receive criticism for my writing, especially from anyone. If I wrote it — that is good enough. To criticize is to attack — a disgraceful way to behave when someone is bravely coping with this new life.
If anyone does criticize, or leaves less than the expected amount of praise, claps, and so on, they will be reported to the Writing Equity Board of Control. I assume there is one. If there is not — there soon will be.
All writers, and people who identify as writers, are equal. Entitled, fully entitled, to all the things that the top writers get. The weekend retreats. The cottage in the country. A 5% discount at Walmart.
If anyone does criticize, or leaves less than the expected amount of praise, claps, and so on, they will be reported to the Writing Equity Board of Control. I assume there is one. If there is not — there soon will be.
All writers, and people who identify as writers, are equal. Entitled, fully entitled, to all the things that the top writers get. The weekend retreats. The cottage in the country. A 5% discount at Walmart.
I expect to be called brave at every opportunity. Although my new writing life may seem disruptive to some, I expect them to put their own lives on hold in order to accommodate me. In return, I will offer nothing. It is not for me to undo five hundred years of old-fashioned attitudes towards the illiterate.
I do not expect to listen to reason. Another outdated concept. The word is equity. Especially my own, above all others.
After this post, which I fully expect to earn huge amounts of money, we can talk about reparations.
I do not expect to listen to reason. Another outdated concept. The word is equity. Especially my own, above all others.
After this post, which I fully expect to earn huge amounts of money, we can talk about reparations.