Installing a Network and Finding a Turtle
Eighties computing and a risky network installation
I’m sat in an open-plan office surrounded by boxes containing network boards. In the middle of the floor sits a large plastic mechanical turtle. A small group of people is watching, waiting for their new computers to be installed.
“Why is there a turtle?” asks the office manager.
To answer this question, I need to take you back a few weeks earlier.
“Why is there a turtle?” asks the office manager.
To answer this question, I need to take you back a few weeks earlier.
It’s the early 80s, I guess. A long time ago. Pre-Windows, pre-internet. Networking computers was a relatively new thing. Mostly, people copied data to floppy disks and passed them to colleagues to use or copy to their own machines.
I had set myself up as a computer specialist providing freelance services to a very small handful of clients. It was a rapid learning curve — going from an employed computer programmer to running my own business as a software consultant to local firms.
I was young, naïve, eager, and willing to take chances.
The office manager of this local company knew me from our employed days. She was quite fond of me, I think. She gave me jobs to do — I mostly designed and implemented database solutions — and I largely did them. She trusted me.
My skills were in dBase software. A forerunner to Oracle, I suppose. I wrote solutions for the customer’s simple requirements. Thinking back, we did some cool stuff. Optical character reading for exam questionnaires was leading edge, for me anyway.
I had set myself up as a computer specialist providing freelance services to a very small handful of clients. It was a rapid learning curve — going from an employed computer programmer to running my own business as a software consultant to local firms.
I was young, naïve, eager, and willing to take chances.
The office manager of this local company knew me from our employed days. She was quite fond of me, I think. She gave me jobs to do — I mostly designed and implemented database solutions — and I largely did them. She trusted me.
My skills were in dBase software. A forerunner to Oracle, I suppose. I wrote solutions for the customer’s simple requirements. Thinking back, we did some cool stuff. Optical character reading for exam questionnaires was leading edge, for me anyway.
One day, she asked me if they should start networking. Where the office computers could talk to each other, instead of copying data onto a floppy disk and carrying it across the office. She queried whether I could do it.
I said, “Yes.” I said yes to everything back then. When you are trying to build a business, you say yes. And how hard could it be? She wasn’t 100% sure — I could see that in her eyes — but she was a good sort and gave me the contract for networking.
At the same time, they would upgrade all their personal computers to new models. I would install the whole lot. They ordered the machines from a local supplier.
I did some research. The software side for my database solutions was fairly straightforward. I had no means to test it, only had a single PC at home. But it looked OK.
I read about network cards. Remember, no internet back then. Most of my information came from business magazines like Computer Weekly.
I found a supplier and spent about £2,000 of their money on network cards, cabling, and software.
I bought a couple of network cards myself and set up a simple system at my home office to test my software solutions. It worked after a bit of messing around. Great.
I said, “Yes.” I said yes to everything back then. When you are trying to build a business, you say yes. And how hard could it be? She wasn’t 100% sure — I could see that in her eyes — but she was a good sort and gave me the contract for networking.
At the same time, they would upgrade all their personal computers to new models. I would install the whole lot. They ordered the machines from a local supplier.
I did some research. The software side for my database solutions was fairly straightforward. I had no means to test it, only had a single PC at home. But it looked OK.
I read about network cards. Remember, no internet back then. Most of my information came from business magazines like Computer Weekly.
I found a supplier and spent about £2,000 of their money on network cards, cabling, and software.
I bought a couple of network cards myself and set up a simple system at my home office to test my software solutions. It worked after a bit of messing around. Great.
The big day came. She rang me and said they had a load of boxes in the office. I drove over there — a 30-minute drive.
My adrenaline was pumping. I had never done a job this large, and nothing much with hardware. I didn’t know if this would work. You never really know until it does.
First, we checked everything had arrived. We went through the receipt, ticking off computers, cards, and the rest. That’s when we discovered the turtle.
A large plastic turtle, see-through, with electronics inside.
I used to do a fair amount of drugs in those days, so I was used to surreal experiences. This thing was up there on the scale of weird and wonderful.
“Is that important?” she said. I had no idea. All the reading I had done had made no mention of a turtle of any kind. What possible reason could there be for having a turtle in your network? I stalled.
“Let’s leave it till we finish the other stuff,” I said.
My adrenaline was pumping. I had never done a job this large, and nothing much with hardware. I didn’t know if this would work. You never really know until it does.
First, we checked everything had arrived. We went through the receipt, ticking off computers, cards, and the rest. That’s when we discovered the turtle.
A large plastic turtle, see-through, with electronics inside.
I used to do a fair amount of drugs in those days, so I was used to surreal experiences. This thing was up there on the scale of weird and wonderful.
“Is that important?” she said. I had no idea. All the reading I had done had made no mention of a turtle of any kind. What possible reason could there be for having a turtle in your network? I stalled.
“Let’s leave it till we finish the other stuff,” I said.
I unpacked all the boxes and started a mini production line. Cards installed in PCs. PCs on desks. Cabling for the network between the PCs. PCs switched on. Networking, and my new database software installed.
Testing. Girl sits at one computer, another girl sits at another. It was the eighties. They were all girls.
Boys worked in the warehouse. It’s how it was. Crunch time. Software works. More than one person can access the database at the same time.
Success! Sigh of relief, from me and from her. She had gone out on a limb, given me the chance, and I had fluked a result. My heartbeat was replacing adrenaline with euphoria. I won one.
Now we could look at the turtle.
There was no mention in any of the instructions or packaging as to the purpose of it. We decided it was not an essential part of networking hardware. It was probably an educational tool wrongly shipped as part of the order.
In the end, she took it home for her son.
Testing. Girl sits at one computer, another girl sits at another. It was the eighties. They were all girls.
Boys worked in the warehouse. It’s how it was. Crunch time. Software works. More than one person can access the database at the same time.
Success! Sigh of relief, from me and from her. She had gone out on a limb, given me the chance, and I had fluked a result. My heartbeat was replacing adrenaline with euphoria. I won one.
Now we could look at the turtle.
There was no mention in any of the instructions or packaging as to the purpose of it. We decided it was not an essential part of networking hardware. It was probably an educational tool wrongly shipped as part of the order.
In the end, she took it home for her son.
I never did install another network. It was a scary one-off that I got away with. And I never forgot the first sight of that turtle. Like an example of what can happen when you reach too far and push your luck. You could find yourself surrounded by boxes and people, with a plastic turtle on the floor looking up at you.