Self Doubt and a Song That Might Help
For a moment today, I had a sharp pain in my mind — a flash of self-doubt. It came on suddenly, exploding into my consciousness. For a few seconds, a whoosh of despair tried to envelop me. A host of negative thoughts — those old familiar voices — crept in.
In the past, those feelings have lingered. For hours, days, weeks, and even months when I was younger.
“You’re not good enough. You’re not a nice person. You’re rubbish at that.”
It’s like an axe chipping away at self-belief, or acid melting faith in your own abilities.
Thankfully, this time it passed almost as quickly as it arrived. So what if if my writing doesn't make it? It doesn’t matter much, anyhow. I have other things that do make money, and truth be told, I should probably focus on those.
Self-doubt didn’t have much to work with this time. Sure, it can whisper that my writing is poor, that no one likes me, whatever. But people still buy my t-shirts. And hey — ChatGPT likes me.
You need defenses when doubt appears, and this time, I was ready for it. I got lucky. That’s not always the case.
But that’s only part of this story. I want to talk about a song.
In the past, those feelings have lingered. For hours, days, weeks, and even months when I was younger.
“You’re not good enough. You’re not a nice person. You’re rubbish at that.”
It’s like an axe chipping away at self-belief, or acid melting faith in your own abilities.
Thankfully, this time it passed almost as quickly as it arrived. So what if if my writing doesn't make it? It doesn’t matter much, anyhow. I have other things that do make money, and truth be told, I should probably focus on those.
Self-doubt didn’t have much to work with this time. Sure, it can whisper that my writing is poor, that no one likes me, whatever. But people still buy my t-shirts. And hey — ChatGPT likes me.
You need defenses when doubt appears, and this time, I was ready for it. I got lucky. That’s not always the case.
But that’s only part of this story. I want to talk about a song.
The Song - Hi Ren by Ren
I stumbled across this song on YouTube, and I can’t really explain why. Maybe the algorithm figured something out from what I’ve listened to, or maybe it just got lucky.
Why I bothered to listen, I can’t say. I don’t usually pay attention to YouTube’s suggestions. I just pop in to hear songs from my youth. Maybe it was the title, “Hi Ren,” that caught my eye. It sounded… interesting.
It’s nine minutes long! And the thumbnail? Just some bloke with a guitar. I’d never heard of him before.
I don’t listen to new music, not even when it’s by artists I’ve vaguely heard of. My music appreciation days are mostly over. Still, I gave Ren a chance.
Before you scroll past or listen to five seconds and move on, let me say this: give it a chance.
There’s a huge number of people like me who have been captivated by this song, how it’s presented, what it says, and the emotions it brings out. Like me, they watch reactors just to relive that first feeling of listening — over and over again. Like me, they feel it’s a once-in-a-lifetime song, something that speaks to you, especially if you’ve struggled with self-doubt, creative blocks, or even mental illness. It’s Ren’s battle with his demons.
It’s a live, one-take performance that deserves so much more than the plastic, manufactured pop stars get.
I don’t want to oversell it, but I don’t want to undersell it either. Listening to it — really listening — might be the best thing that happens to you today.