Support Are On It or How Not to Support Your Customers
A spoof example of a typical support desk interfacing with customers when the systems have gone down.
All systems are down! But no sweat. Our specialists are leaping into action.
No need to keep contacting help desk. We know there’s a problem. We are on it. Emails have been sent. A telephone call might be made. There are plans to schedule a meeting.
Most of our support staff are on an extended break at present. They are attending courses on how to deal with customer priorities. Should be back soon.
Meanwhile, we can help you to help yourself.
No need to keep contacting help desk. We know there’s a problem. We are on it. Emails have been sent. A telephone call might be made. There are plans to schedule a meeting.
Most of our support staff are on an extended break at present. They are attending courses on how to deal with customer priorities. Should be back soon.
Meanwhile, we can help you to help yourself.
First thing, stop ringing the help desk. We are inundated with calls about the problem leaving us unable to deal with other customer queries we can actually do something about.
Secondly. No, we have not tried turning it off then on again. Next person who suggests that will be banned, once the banning mechanism is functioning again.
Relax. All your data is safeish. Bill, who is working his last days here, having been given an unexpected present of early retirement — assures us that he could fix the problem in moments. He is not allowed access to the computer room any more as that responsibility has been outsourced.
Another excellent decision designed to improve our service. Once our new tech team wake up in their timezone and we find a translator it should be plain sailing. Bill says a kid of twelve could fix it. Shut up Bill, it’s not helping.
Secondly. No, we have not tried turning it off then on again. Next person who suggests that will be banned, once the banning mechanism is functioning again.
Relax. All your data is safeish. Bill, who is working his last days here, having been given an unexpected present of early retirement — assures us that he could fix the problem in moments. He is not allowed access to the computer room any more as that responsibility has been outsourced.
Another excellent decision designed to improve our service. Once our new tech team wake up in their timezone and we find a translator it should be plain sailing. Bill says a kid of twelve could fix it. Shut up Bill, it’s not helping.
As a customer you may be asking yourself how you can help the help desk. Start by not reaching out to us. That would be a help.
If you could refrain from using the system, and bad-mouthing us on social media that would also be a big benefit. Campaigns such as Bring Back Bill are foolish and short-sighted.
All systems will be restored to full operation within an acceptable time period. Our lawyers are working on the definition of that as we speak.
Meanwhile, we thank you for being a loyal, and patient, customer and wish you a Happy Xmas. We’re having a party here.
From all of us at support, the ones left after recent cutbacks, we thank you for your support. Er.
Oh and Bill says, actually, let’s not dwell on what Bill says. It’s not very Chrismassy.
If you could refrain from using the system, and bad-mouthing us on social media that would also be a big benefit. Campaigns such as Bring Back Bill are foolish and short-sighted.
All systems will be restored to full operation within an acceptable time period. Our lawyers are working on the definition of that as we speak.
Meanwhile, we thank you for being a loyal, and patient, customer and wish you a Happy Xmas. We’re having a party here.
From all of us at support, the ones left after recent cutbacks, we thank you for your support. Er.
Oh and Bill says, actually, let’s not dwell on what Bill says. It’s not very Chrismassy.