A fun page of puns about trains and train travel to make any delays simply fly by. 

As yet another rail network crisis occurs there will be many passengers sat on trains going nowhere and platforms full of anxious commuters.

So what better way to pass the time than with some train punning?

Sure, the rail companies could take less profits and maintain a decent service, but we are happiest when we have something to moan about.

And thankfully their attitude towards the customers provides plenty of material to complain about.

​Here are some first class puns to make that ten hour wait and journey more bearable.

All aboard!

ban outspoken travelers - no platforming
​commuters build up a head of steam
divorcing carriages - consciously uncoupling

engine driver meltdown - went off the rails
​​goods train collision - freight balls of fire
​great work of fiction - train timetable

I was railroaded into buying a season ticket
​late train - slowcomotive
overcrowding sitcom - Last Man Standing

​rail company CEO - bogeyman
sacked railwayman - career hit the buffers
​sensible footwear - platform shoes

shoes for the train - Jimmy Choo Choos
subway riders - metrosexuals
this transport network is loco

​trains for the blind - brailway

Going off the rails - losing it
​Light at the end of the tunnel - a glimmer of hope
Railroad - make someone do something

The wrong side of the tracks - you need to change platforms
Time waits for no man - so run the trains on time!
The Great Train Robbery - a season ticket

Buffet the Vampire Slayer - avoid the sandwiches
​From Here to Eternity - a typical train journey
Murder on the Orient Express - too many delays leads to violence
​
Paint Your Wagon - Western musical
​Train to Busan - Korean zombie horror
​Unstoppable - runaway train film.  Sequel is Unstartable

Richard Beeching - author of the 1960s rail network cuts
Richard Branson - a typical private train operator
Jimmy Choo - shoemaker

​John Coltrane - saxophonist
Warren Buffet Car - investor
Boxcar Willie - songwriter

It seems obvious that a rail transport network consisting of trains, track, stations, routes and staff should be run as a single state-owned organisation. 

​The service should be changed to all electric using renewables.  Profits ploughed back in.  Reopening local stations and encouraging people to choose rail over road.

An integrated state-owned transport system run for all is surely the best option for commuters, freight distribution and the planet.

Don't hold your breath.

FreightBook - keep in touch with other passengers
LinkedIn - couple up with a new career
OnlyTrains - for committed fans

SnapChoo - amusing train pics and captions
Stopify - music while you're waiting
YouTube - video your journey to work

Chattanooga Choo Choo - Glenn Miller
Down in the Tube Station at Midnight - Jam
Last Train to Clarksville - Monkees
​
Locomotion - Little Eva
​Love Train - The O'Jays
Railway to Hell - AC/DC

​Tracks of my Tears - Smokey Robinson

bogie, buffer, carriage, choo, coupling, freight, loco, locomotive, metro, platform, rail, railroad, railway, siding, signal, subway, station, track, train, tube, wagon

The puns have pulled into the station, or within a short walk of it.

Having been derailed and lost my train of thought it is time to disembark.

Someone once said it is not the destination that counts - it is the journey.

They were probably not a regular train traveler.

All change, mind the doors.